I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
Theft Jokes
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
