Theft jokes
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
To become a licensed airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.