Cold jokes
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold? A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
It’s so cold make it stop
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
Colder than the conversation between a fat guy and a Super Model...
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
you.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather? A brrrrrrrr-d!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.