When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
Why don’t mountains catch colds? They wear snow caps.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: “You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I’ll let you live. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: “Tell him that if he doesn’t tell me where the loot is, I’ll shoot him here and now.” Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. “What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: “He said, ‘You don’t have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.’”
A Blonde crashed A Helicopter. A Police Officer Asked Her What Happened. She Says, “It Got Cold So I Turned Off The Fan.”
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she’s cold? – Because it’s 90 degrees.
Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It’s always 90 degrees
What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
- i called it cold hard cash
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most?
The “cold and passed out” kind.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late??
A cold shoulder
is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
Dark jokes are like Antarctica
Why did the cow jump over the moon? Because the farmer had cold hands!
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Why was it cold in Stephen hawkings house?
Because he had a new window open…
Hell in Greek Times was known as cold and misty… so now just look at Seattle.
What do you get when you cross a cold wind with a feather?
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff