Cold jokes
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
you.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.