Cold jokes
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What do you do when you get locked outside your house? You talk to the lock, because communication is key.
What does a spy do when he's cold?
He goes under cover.
you.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello on the other side.
A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
Because the farmer had cold hands!
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "Now were not even allowed to do that."
Why do men give cold women their jackets?
No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.