What does your mom and a slinky have in common?
They aren't much to look at, but you can't help but crack a smile when you see then tumbling down the stairs.
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture.
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day....but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather. That is, until my mom took the urn away from me.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account
What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them, open wide honey here comes the air plane
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked "where is your sister", and i said in line to get crushed.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Bully: "Nobody loves you." Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
