Assault Jokes

Two kids were beating up a kid in an ally, so I stepped into help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathise with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."


What are some another names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”


I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.

Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

Why did the policeman rape the woman? Because he thought rapists wouldn't be attracted to non-virgins