Assault Jokes

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Crimes in 2018- assault, murder. Crimes in 2020- coughing in public.

Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted I decided to go home

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted Nothing much I just decided to go home

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

"Don’t be dumb, make sure she’s numb."

- Bill Cosby

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!

Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.

How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

I used to keep asking a woman if I can rape her until she got so annoyed and said, "Stop asking me."

Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".

A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school and the teacher replies "are you that same person who took Jimmy?" the man replies "yes" and the teacher says "Take susie too she's being a little bitch."