Crime jokes
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
How do pirates like their movies?
You already know the answer, don't you?
Well...
ARRR rated! Huh huh huh...
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
What happened to the woman who dated a rapist?
She was date raped.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
1 like = 1 more child in my basement.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?
Innocent.
If you kill someone, that's murder.
If you kill a family member, that's still murder.
If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."
So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.
Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.
Gf: "You are a drug."
Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"
Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.