Crime jokes
My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm 13. She was raped.
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
So, I met this girl and she was a 9 out of 10. I met this other girl who was 7 years old. The 7-year-old ate my 9 out of 10 girl because 7 was a psychopath.
One of the students reported a school shooting. That fucking snitch...
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
Why do crack heads like to do it doggy style?
So one can peep out window and one can peep on floor.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.