A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

What did stevie wonder’s mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be “Alien vs Predator”?

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?

Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck virgin.

Dark humor is like a child with cancer.

It never gets old.

Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the p.... of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?

The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

What’s the difference between a aligator and a child?

You can’t abuse a aligator

A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" “running down my leg”

A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.

In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. “Doctor,” say Satan. “What is it?” The doctor sighs. “Well, it’s not a boy, and it’s not a girl.” Satan looks frustrated. “THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?” The doctor looks up. “It’s a goose.”

Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?”

Son: “Nah, mostly men.”

Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”

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