Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children
What did stevie wonder’s mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be “Alien vs Predator”?
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?
Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" “running down my leg”
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…?
The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? The redneck virgin.
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that’s rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child… Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there’s nothing hidden inside me, I’m empty “smug face”.
In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me
You know a parana can devour a small child in 30 seconds Any way I lost my job at the aquarium today
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.