Child jokes
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a child?
Hot Wheels.
1 like = 1 more child in my blender.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism?
It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What problems might a blind child run into?
A wall.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.