What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture.
Whats starts with M and end with arriage?
Miscarriage Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
1 like = 1 more child in my blender
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas? A pair of gloves! Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds? That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.
What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."