There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, “Momma, why is my name Rose?” The mommy cow replies, “Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.” The next calf comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Lily?” The mother replies, “Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.” The third baby comes up and asks, “Momma, why is my name Daisy?” The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, “Huh Ruh Buh Duh!” The momma cow says, “Shut up, Cinderblock!”

Mama Mia’s pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.

How did Helen keller’s mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

What did stevie wonder’s mom do to punish him as a child? She rearranged all the furniture

Yo mama like a penny: two faced, worthless and in everybody’s pants

Kid: but mom I don’t want to see grandma Mom: shut up and keep digging

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.

What does your mom and a slinky have in common?

They aren’t much to look at, but you can’t help but crack a smile when you see then tumbling down the stairs.

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

yo mama’s so stupid she got locked in Matress World and slept on the floor.

your mamas so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

Yo mama so stupid, that when she heard about cookies on the internet she ate her computer

guy spills milk on a me i say " it’s OK we all make mistakes sometimes but apparently your mom made a big one

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

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