Kidnapping jokes

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

There was a kidnapping at school.

Don't worry, he woke up.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped? Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?

You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?

White Vans.

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Why can orphans never be kidnapped?

No one can tell them that "your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up."

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

Lord: "My dog died?!"

Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped? Because someone actually wants them. 🤣

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.