Kidnapping Jokes


What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe

White Vans

in Adoption

I don’t like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption

in Puns

There was a kidnapping at school…

Don´t worry, he woke up.


How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently not 27 Bc my basements still dark…

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

in Orphan

Why do orphans like getting kidnapped Because someone actually wants them 🤣


What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common: come inside it’s fun inside


A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing while a man named Chris comes up and asks “which one is yours?” The man said “I don’t know i’m still deciding.”

in Blonde

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “Ive kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "Ive kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.” The Blonde then taped the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”


What type of tape do kidnappers use?



How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb, not 27 bc my basement is still dark.

The Escaped Cancer Cell

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

in Orphan

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

in Kid

What do you call a kid who’s been kidnapped?

Well, her name’s Sally, so I guess… Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.

in Hole

one man walks up to another and says hey did you here about the kidnapping at main street the guy says no the other guy says oh he woke up

in Fan

Did you hear about the kidnapping- Yeah he woke up

in Orphan

I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.

Your Mum
in Orphan

Why can orphans never be kidnapped? No-one can tell them that “your parents said that they would be delayed and I was told to pick you up”

in Adoption

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.

in Jesus

If Jesus told you to trust everyone that must be why there is a lot of kidnappings