Condom Jokes

Anonymous

A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.

8
Anonymous

Why did they invent glow in the dark condoms So gay guys can play star wars

9
Anonymous

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

7
he he funny sex number

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

9
Mr. Menace
in Child

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

bernard

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

3
Anonymous

Condoms? HA! Those are for pussies!

4
Anonymous

“Son, I found a condom in your room.”

“Gee, thanks, Grandpa!”

“Why are you calling me Grandpa?”

“Because I couldn’t find it yesterday.”

2
Anonymous

Your Birth Certificate is an apology from the Condom factory

Anonymous

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

NotAKiller AreYouACop?

You’d think the Catholic Church would be thankful for condoms, less DNA evidence.

the condom guy

so two condoms walk by a gay bar, what does one condom say to the other, “hey, wanna get ‘shit-faced?’”

1
Anonymous

Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”

2
Anonymous

When Bubba’s condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Anonymous
in Doctor

The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t

christopher

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

1
Anonymous

Seat belts are like the condom for cars.

Russiansantalikesvodka

Santa and Bill Cosby’s favorite quote " don’t be dumb make sure they’re numb and always use a condom!"

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It’s now getting harder to hide DNA evidence

Tonkiemars

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said “I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we’re there, I’d also like to take our relationship to the next level.” “I’m there” the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked “do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?” the boy replied " “I plan on getting busy all weekend. I’m not gonna stop pounding her till I’m black and blue. Give me the family pack.” “Sure thing” said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, “you never told me that you were so religious” the boy replied, “You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist”