Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Your Birth Certificate is an apology from the Condom factory
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.
so two condoms walk by a gay bar, what does one condom say to the other, "hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone "No" So the man says "ok let's go camping"
3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”
Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”
Condom: “Hahaha...”
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote " don't be dumb make sure they're numb and always use a condom!"
Why did the condom cross the road...... Because he was pissed off.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guys asshole?
He said “Fuck this shit!”
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
A guy and his girl just finished making love. Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks "Have you thought about any baby names?". The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says "Well propably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this"
