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Number

Anonymous

When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body… now what”

Draw

Bloodcurdling scream

They laughed at my crayon drawing

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Head

Anonymous

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

Die

Person

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the coroner.

“Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The inspector then asks, “What about the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?” asks the inspector.

“He thought he was having his picture taken.”

Home

g and g jokes

I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

Difference

Anonymous

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

Hang

ShiftyDealer69

When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

Smoking

ImAPerson

Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.

Name

A.satapathy

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

‘PNEIS’

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

Puns

Anonymous

What do you call a nose without a body? – Nobody knows.

Fat

Someone

A funny joke scenario Person 1: Why didn’t he skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no “body” to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly fat and nobody liked him

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Depression

Sadly me

My friend has a dry sense of humour

Probably bc her body was decomposed ages ago

Inside

Anonymous

Why does the nucleus feel trapped? Because it’s inside a cell!

Depression

YoungYY

If it’s true what they say and I quote; “God never gives you more than you can handle”

Then you should pray to those who didn’t, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

Friend

An0y1

I hate double standards – burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being, a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re, destroying evidence.

Hotness

Meh

ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin’ hot body.

Depression

Anonymous

Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

Man

Anonymous

What do you call a man with no Body and no nose

Nobody nose

Wind

Sans

Why do skeletons hate wind? Because it goes right through them!

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