Criminal jokes

Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.

Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.

But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."

1. Full name: John.

2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.

What do you call a criminal?

Disarmed and dangerous.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

What's up guys! Quandale Dingle here (RUUEHEHEHEHEHEEHE). I have been arrested for multiple crimes (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH) including: Battery on a police officer (WHAT), Grand theft, Declaring war on Italy, and public indecency (RUHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE x2 speed).

I will be escaping prison on, MARCH 28TH! After that I will take over the worl[d].

What do you call a child predator and an illegal immigrant? Alien vs. Predator.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Why can't orphans be criminals?

They aren't wanted...

I have been charged, because I roasted a kid at a barbeque.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

Why can’t orphans be criminals?

Because they’re unwanted.🤣😢

What is the difference between an orphan and a criminal?

Only one is wanted.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"

Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"

What’s the definition of a pedophile, Tyler?

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?

He's a small medium at large.

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?

Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.