Criminal jokes
Jeffrey Epstein was a disgusting person, but he could tie a good hangman's knot.
Why don't orphan criminals go to jail?
Because they weren't even wanted.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.
What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?
One is wanted and one's not.
For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.
Did you know there's a brand of coffee specifically for pedophiles?
It's called the Ep-bean.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
What do you call a nut in jail?
A busted nut.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?
Criminals are wanted.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.