Violence jokes

What's the difference between a white woman and a tornado siren?

The tornado siren doesn't get raped.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What’s the difference between rape and marriage?

With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?

Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.

Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.

Father: Now you know.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

Where did Suzy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.