Violence jokes
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
A girl called me ugly.
So I drove over her with a car and called her flat.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.
What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?
Raped in Portugal!
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.