Bad

Anonymous

Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

Friend

Ratchet the Hatchet

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Bullying

Anonymous

If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing

Daughter

Tyler

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

Depression

Anonymous

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Nothing

Anonymous

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

War

Anonymous

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

Sadness

Murkymurk

how do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family

People

RallyCat2004

I would never kill an animal. I’m more of a people person.

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

Man

Matt G

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

Puns

Anonymous

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

People

Anonymous

when the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill.

“One, he killed himself”

Orphan

Emilly

Orphan- I want to kill my parents

People- I dont think you have the facilities for that big man

Chicken

Punk

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

Old

Meme Machine

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

Puns

Overwatch_Gamer321

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

Difference

Meninist

What the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Time

Anonymous

Someone asked me if I’ve ever tried to kill myself. I responded, “Absolutely. A few times actually. I’m just not very good at it.”

Trigger

YO MOM

Why did the feminist kill herself?

Because she was TRIGGERED.

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