Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”
If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your iq
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Orphan- I want to kill my parents
People- I dont think you have the facilities for that big man
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
what is the most dangerous mountain? kill-a-man-jaro
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again I almost killed myself
what happens when a emo kid loses a kahoot he gets a 25 kill streak
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
why does Hitler deserve heavens, because he killed Hitler.
3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”
She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.”
The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?”
The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!”
“That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?”
The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”
What’s green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? – A pool table.