Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

I would never kill an animal. I’m more of a people person.

how do you make a plumber sad?

Kill his family

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

What the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked who the best composer was they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?

They both are thinking “Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!”

I wish I could kill my family but you realise your an orphan

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

Orphan- I want to kill my parents

People- I dont think you have the facilities for that big man

If trees could kill you, they wood.

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