War jokes
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.
Why was the soldier reading the Geneva convention?
To-do list.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves? Hans Solo.
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.