War Jokes

My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.

In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."

Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed.

Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?

"I am your father."

An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."

The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"

"Nein," said the old man.

What do you call a kid watching Star Wars by themselves?

Hans Solo.

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.