War jokes
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to stop the Cold War with a heater.
My grandfather never threw anything away, bless him. He died in the war holding on to a hand grenade.
My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What do you call a war dodo named Bob in WW2 and he came from Mars?
Bruno Mars.
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.
Osama Bin Laden is the best Angry Birds player of all time.
Meaning behind the German flag: 🇩🇪 Black: culture Red: Beer Yellow: Sausage Blue: Winning world wars.
Why are Germans so good at cleaning?
They have experience in ethnic cleansing.