Violence jokes

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

I was in social studies class and I was taking an exam and I couldn’t remember a lot of the information and everyone looked up shocked. A white kid holding a gun said, “You’re about to become history.” I almost forgot that we weren’t supposed to have any lessons that day.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

Rape victims suck, literally.

An assassin is about to shoot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience."

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Fuck 'em.

What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?

"Face the wall!"

Rape victim: I want to die.

Man: Hang in there.

Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.

What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?

Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

What's the difference between a brand new Oldsmobile and a brand new Raping?

...Rape.

What's the same with a controller and a woman?

They both work if you hit them.

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it, but I'm not too worried. I think she is joking.

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.

A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.

Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...

What is it called when you whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.

Why did your friend eat the burger?

Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

Not really. He was just hungry.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

Alahu-Akbar.

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."