Violence jokes

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that."

When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?

When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.

There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.

1 like = 1 more child in my blender.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!