Violence

Violence Jokes

When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf? When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice....

4

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke? Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

7

Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.