Violence jokes

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

Where did Suzy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

About to go on a date.

But she was late.

So I got some tape.

And eventually punished her with rape.

When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...

Rape victims suck, literally.