Violence jokes

The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.

Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Where did Suzy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.

When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.