Violence jokes

Where did Suzy go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What do 9/10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

What’s the best part of violently raping a sexy 10-year-old girl? Killing the little bitch afterwards.

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.