Violence jokes

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)

When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.

What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

What does RIP stand for on Maddie's head stone?

Raped in Portugal!

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

Why did the gay man get raped?

He assed for it.

Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.

How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?

Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.

Roses are red, My heart, my heart is dead. I have a gun straight to my head.

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.