Violence jokes
What is the best thing about being back?
Free bullets.
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
Why did Jimmy throw the clock out the window? Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who knife-raped his wife.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
My wife told me to give her 8 inches, so I had to have sex with her 4 times and punch her in the nose.
Why did the clown fall off his bike?
Because the neighbor threw a washing machine at him.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
Woman: "I want coffee, black."
Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.
I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"
She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.
He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"