What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
Violence Jokes
She said no, so I raped her.
How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?
They are all boomers in the end.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Where did Suzy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Chuck Norris once killed 50 people with a grenade. Then he threw the grenade.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
