Violence jokes
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
Jack and Jill went up the hill.
Jack fell down, his ass was bound, and Jill continued up the hill.
Jack came back and beat Jill's back, and he got the ultimate kill.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.
I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
I beat up my twin friends with a plane.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.
If you're mad, go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their mom?
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
"What's worse than 10 dead babies stapled to a tree?"
"What?"
"1 dead baby stapled to 10 trees!"
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.