RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip off.

RIP Stephan Hawking who was buried today…he did always love black holes.

Velcro is such a rip-off

What’s more fun than nailing a baby to the floor Ripping it off with a kick

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph his beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.

So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the rool, and then I said; “I guess that’s why it’s called ripping one!”

im bone dry in material but i have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes after i tell you all these rib ticklers you will have a bone to pick with if you didn’t find that funny you outta rip my spine out

It’s so sad how Stephen hawking was just rolling to far away from the outlet RIP :(

I drew a picture of Colby

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

Rip k. When they have a party, their racist. When they hang out with ys, their mean.

I was staying over at my friends, for the purpose of the joke he shall be called kian. It was 03.00 am and everyone else was asleep when i heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it, Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge it was thought he had a huge slong. The banging was getting louder and so to was my heartbeat, i opened John’s door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked, there was a glory hole threw the wall where i could make it kians ass. This is what i have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards john. I shoved 1 inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, “you little gimp get on the bed”. Kian came in the room with a 2 litre bottle of irn bru, he demanded “what the fudge are you doing”. I replied smoothly "Kian you tracksuit warrior you have a camel toe" Kian fires back “shut it paul you have genital warts”. John screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP." He then gives us it so rough i can’t walk the next day, but feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible. They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionarys. Things went from bad to worse.

tech administrator of a school: hm, a message from google security? tech administrator of a school: OH SHIT! assistant: WHAT, WHAT, TELL ME? tech administrator of a school: WEVE BEEN COMPROMISED, WE FORGOT TO SECURE THE SITE! assistant: OK, OK, THE KEY IS NOT TO PANIC… let’s call the school board

A FEW MOMENTS LATER

head of school board: HAHAHAHAHAHA! that’s a good one, almost as good as the one with jack, jill, and the ripped condom! HAHAHAHAHAHA tech administrator of a school: HAHAHA yeah I know right whispers you are playing it cool, right? head of school board: whispers yeah were fucked…

TWO HOURS LATER

important fat people in one room: OH FUCK OH NO, HELP PLEASE!!! WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TELL THE PARENTS ABOUT THEIR STOLEN INFORMATION!!!

AND SO THAT WAS THE BIRTH OF RIOTING TEACHER

Do you know who invented Paper?

Cai Lun!

“RIP” Cai Lun…

Why did the guy run because the girl ripped is penis off

1 Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use? A) Head and Sholders 2 Q) what’s Stephens favourite food? A) Sholders For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕

Jake had sex and broke her hymen guess he’s Jake rip her

I entered kians house, at the top of the stair i was greeted my greatest fantasy, JOHN, he said in a manly tone, “hello there” i walked slowly up the stairs and greeted him back, as i walk past his room i felt uneasy , i walk into kians room to find no one, i turn around and gasp, john is standing there, a bulge had appeared and poked me as he got nearer, he pushed me onto kians bed, the bed was that bad it broke as i fell onto it, john says “a broken is nothing to worry about” i look up at him in disbelief, hes more masculine than i thought, he thrust himself onto me, his crotch area sticky to the touch, he then ripped a fart as he bent over, at this point i knew it was to late john, the fart he ripped(sticky to the touch) had me so in shock i wasnt ready for what was next, he picked and jamp on my head ripping the most monstrous, enormous, deadyl, sticky to the touch fart id ever seen, it knocked me out, i awoke to find i was in the WALLS, i looked out to find i was in the glory hole, my worst nightmare had become reality, i fully understood my purpose in life was to the holy glory hole, i heard “GRANDAD CAN I GET SOME V-BUCK” i then knew i was in for some kian treats The end

What do you call a crappy circumcision

A rip-off