RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip off.

RIP Stephan Hawking who was buried today…he did always love black holes.

Velcro is such a rip-off

What’s more fun than nailing a baby to the floor Ripping it off with a kick

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?

Rip Van Tinkle

Three women- a blonde, a brunette and a redhead- are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two two hours later their vehicle dies with no gas and they’re forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them. The brunette brings canteens of water. The redhead takes a large beach umbrella. The Blonde somehow rips off the car door. The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?" To which the blonde replied, “So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot.”

A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn’t shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?

Time’s up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it.

How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?

Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.

Why did sally fall off the swing?

Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.

How did she survive?

Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph his beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.

im bone dry in material but i have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes after i tell you all these rib ticklers you will have a bone to pick with if you didn’t find that funny you outta rip my spine out

It’s so sad how Stephen hawking was just rolling to far away from the outlet RIP :(

I drew a picture of Colby

Too bad it got ripped up 😢

So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the rool, and then I said; “I guess that’s why it’s called ripping one!”

Rip k. When they have a party, their racist. When they hang out with ys, their mean.

Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible. They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionarys. Things went from bad to worse.

I was staying over at my friends, for the purpose of the joke he shall be called kian. It was 03.00 am and everyone else was asleep when i heard a soft banging on the wall. I left the room to inspect it, Kian lived with his grandad John Hauge it was thought he had a huge slong. The banging was getting louder and so to was my heartbeat, i opened John’s door and ventured into the room. John was fully naked, there was a glory hole threw the wall where i could make it kians ass. This is what i have been waiting for. I rip off my shorts which Ali G bought for me, and silently moved towards john. I shoved 1 inch wonder in his ear. John furiously turned around and slapped me with his cock, “you little gimp get on the bed”. Kian came in the room with a 2 litre bottle of irn bru, he demanded “what the fudge are you doing”. I replied smoothly "Kian you tracksuit warrior you have a camel toe" Kian fires back “shut it paul you have genital warts”. John screams "SHUT THE FUCK UP." He then gives us it so rough i can’t walk the next day, but feel pleasured for eternity.

By Lewis

Do you know who invented Paper?

Cai Lun!

“RIP” Cai Lun…