It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Q: Why can't science be combined with religion?
A: 'Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them.
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.
I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
...so I threw a dictionary at him.
My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?
In an explosion.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?
Just turn off the lights.
How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
