Kill jokes

What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.

So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

Time heals all wounds.

Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

I like you, you like me.

Let’s go out and kill Barney with a big shot gun. Barney’s on the floor, no more purple dinosaur. 🌸🌸🌸🌺🌺🌺🥀🥀🥀RIP BARNEY

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks?

That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

After I see an anime boy acting cool,

Me at school acting cool:

My brothers: "He's just acting cool."

Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0

Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?

A: It's already done for you.

How do non-binary people kill people?

They slash them.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...

- But?

- ...

The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"

The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"