Kill jokes
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn’t all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
Chris Benoit is like a depressed orphan because he killed his family.
These gags are killing me!
Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
Why did the orphan kill himself?
"Kill yourself. Stop thinking whether or not to do it, you dumb fucking cunt, no one likes you. Jump off a fucking 3 story building, bitch."
Why don’t you peel a banana?
It’s too hard to kill your nana.
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
Someone at my school the other day said that whoever killed Hitler was a hero. Who's going to tell him?
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.
I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!
Me: I got 60 kills!
My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!
Me: What's Call of Duty?