Roast jokes

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.

My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

You're like a cloud. When you go away, it's a beautiful day.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I'm taking out the trash, I remember you.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

2. Oh, you’re talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.

I would roast you, but your mirror does it every time you look into it.

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.

Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."

Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."

Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.

Bully: "I would roast you but my mom told me not to burn trash."

Me: "So that's why you haven't burnt yourself yet." 🤔

What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.