Kill jokes
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
How to kill a blind person.
Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
What do you call a white kid who kills another?
Russia vs Ukraine hahaha.
Ricardo Medina, one of the former red Power Rangers, pleaded guilty to killing his roommate with a sword.
Why did Kenny die?
Was he trying to kill himself? Was he just dicking around?
I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔
A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'm here to assassinate John Tucker." The bartender replies, "He’s in the restroom." The hitman goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour.
The bartender asks him, "Did you kill him?" The hitman replies with a sad face, “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools, so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour, and when I asked him what’s taking him so long, he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started.”
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."