Allergy jokes

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.

Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

Why did the hooker quit her job?

She had a nut allergy.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!

What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.

One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.

What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.

I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.

Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!

Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.

What's bad? A nut allergy.

"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.