Allergy jokes
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Somebody give me a peanut. I just ate an EpiPen.
What do you call a clown that is allergic to strawberries?
...Ollie the clown!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.