I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What foods are orphans allergic to? Homemade food.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
one time michael jackson had an elergic reaction from eation 12 year old nuts
What is bad? A nut allergy
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table 25+ kill streak
im hertophobic it means im allergic to striaghts
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Ok so I have a dairy and sugar allergy and if I eat it I get REALLY CONSTIPATED so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol
