Kill

Kill jokes

Dead Hooker

Why can't you kill a hooker?

Because they're dead inside anyway.

Emo

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Dark Humor

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Dark Humor

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Suicide

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They’re draining the economy doooown!

They’ve spent our budget on weed

and lube to spill Jack’s seed.

They’ve ruined our wonderful town!

We're gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

They have no moralityyyy.

They’re spreading degeneracy.

We ain't what we used to be.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,

but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.

They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.

Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill!

They’ve banked off buying boooze!

They’ll drink and sell the price

at the original times thrice.

Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.

We’re gonna have to kill

no good Jack and Jill.

Their kids’re in the business tooo!

They’re draining all our banks.

Give 'em well deserved spanks.

We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.

Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.

What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!

A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.

It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!

WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

The USA guaranteeing freedom of speech is the biggest joke I've heard... Tell that to the people who were almost killed because their cars had "NASCAR Sucks" and "Country and Western is rubbish" on them!

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.