Hooker jokes
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, cause they'll screw anything.
Why did the hooker quit her job?
She had a nut allergy.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?
Cantonese...
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Why do orphans become hookers?
They can call someone daddy.
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"