“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

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What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? - They all get the house.

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.

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My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

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Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

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Why do women have cleaner minds than men? – Because they change theirs more often.

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New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her.

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Women are like Tornadoes

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

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What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

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Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

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