Gay
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.
“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.
“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”
“No, son, I have a wife.”
Woman
How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Woman
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Girlfriend
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Tornado
What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? - They all get the house.
Fat
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Woman
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Woman
What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.
Animal
My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Woman
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
Card
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
Change
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? – Because they change theirs more often.
Newness
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.
Wife
I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her.
Tornado
Women are like Tornadoes
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Time
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Call
Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.