“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father.

“It means ‘happy’,” replied the father.

“Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?”

“No, son, I have a wife.”

1

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset

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Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

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My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

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Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

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Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

1

How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

2

Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

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What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? - They all get the house.

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Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.

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Why do women have cleaner minds than men? – Because they change theirs more often.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

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New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer… than the men who mention it.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her.

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A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”

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My wife left me for an Indian guy. – I know he’s going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

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What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I’m home!

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What does a girl want more than anything in the world? – Nothing. She’s fine.

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Women are like Tornadoes

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

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What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?

A widow.

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Why are wives also called a housekeeper? Because after the divorce, they keep the house.

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Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

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i once asked a sketchy man at a bar for some relationship advice. He simply replied, “theyre all dead hookers ince theyre in the trunk.”

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A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles

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