Wives are like grenades. Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don't even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyyđ After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor Talk about a failed marriage
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? -- Because they change theirs more often.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in".
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ĚYou look like a million pounds! Ě The wife divorced him.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I don't like marriage, it's just like soup, as soon as your done spooning it all cools off
Before: Caring & Noble
After: Chernobyl
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
