Kill jokes

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?

An AK-BAR 47.

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.

But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.

When you let the school shooter borrow your pen so he doesn't kill you.

Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.

"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Foxy is red,

Bonnie is blue,

And Golden Freddy will kill you.

What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?

A: Go kill yourself!

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

Why do you like cream instead of bugs?

Because bugs can kill you.

What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.

Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.