Kill jokes
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.
Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Why did McDonald’s kill somebody because they stole the 12-piece nuggets that will never be seen because of them!
wear sweatpants.
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?
It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky, too. *laughs manically*
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
Gwen, just take Tj as your boyfriend. Gah, just do it so he won't kill himself! Prince will be fine without you!
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
Why did 10 kill itself?
Because it was between 9/11.
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
“Wanna smoke, kids?” is an offer to do drugs.
“Wanna smoke kids?” is an offer to kill.
I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.
Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.
One time I was playing a bongo at a Chinese restaurant.
But they were competing against a Cuban restaurant and killed me.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.