Kill jokes
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He didn’t want to pay the gas bill.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
"Among Us" is a game (Skeld) where there is an imposter trying to hijack the ship and kill everyone. Does this sound similar to September 11, 2001?
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
My grandpa was amazing. He killed Hitler.
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
"Fuck off for I killed him, bum bum."
We see the movie Aladdin, and Abu steals more than Aladdin. I’m surprised that Abu hasn’t gotten killed yet.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.