Communist jokes
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
It's not Minecraft.
It's Ourcraft!
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
Capitalism.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
Communist jokes suck... unless everyone gets them.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
My wife was run over.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
What is Beyonce's favorite fast food chain?
dairy QUEEEEEEENNNN!