Communist jokes
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
My wife was run over.
It's not Minecraft.
It's Ourcraft!
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
Capitalism.