Communist jokes
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually.
It's not Minecraft.
It's Ourcraft!
What do the initials ACLU stand for?
🤔
American Communist Lawyers Union.
What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.
I wanted to tell a commie a joke about food, but he’d have to wait 10 years to get it.
Some guy interviewed me and asked how it felt to kill thousands of people. I replied, “I don’t know. I’ve only killed communists.”
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
My wife was run over.
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
How do you tell the difference between a Communist and everybody else? The way they are spelled.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called aregoslavia.
In a normal country, you call it Yugoslavia.
In Soviet Russia, it's called yugostravia.