Autobiography jokes

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."

"What type of book is it?"

"An autobiography."

My initials are K.M.C.

Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".

Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.

I’m writing an autobiography.

BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."

What would Hitler do if he was in Minecraft?

Mien.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.

The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

My life.

Tell me when you get it.