They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
Actor Jokes
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Why did the actor fall through the floor?
He was just going through a stage!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboard?
Don't worry, he was just going through a stage.
Who is chicken's favorite actor?
James Cor-hen!
Why do they tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.
It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan has all their teeth intact.
Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?
Because he was about to kick the cabinet.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris was shot with a gun. The bullet was critically injured.
