Kill jokes
Ahaha, I'm laughing because my friend is so black his mama killed the clown.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?
Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
A guy gives labor to a baby girl and a boy twins. The doctor said but the lady was like,
"Ugh, why do I need my husband to be in labor and I want a girl, not a boy, just a girl!"
The lady passed out 😵 and then found out she was in a coma. The man who was in labor died. The two babies got a nanny, an evil one. The nanny killed the babies on their first birthday.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.
No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.
His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.
What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.
No one.
Absolutely no one.
The History Channel at 11:00 PM: Who really killed JFK?