Kill jokes
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
So, in "Revenge of the Sixth" when Anakin goes and kills the younglings, I thought to myself, "Hey, it’s just another day in an American school."
I have WWII in my blood since my great-grandfather killed Hitler.
I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
What's the difference between the baby I just killed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why are planes the most dangerous killers?
Because they killed 2,996 people in 10-25 minutes.
You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
Father: "I don't trust you. You poured your seed in my daughter's belly."
Son: "But Paah, you can't fire me."
Father: "You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you."
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Unlike the Americans, Hitler knew when to kill himself.