Cure

Cure Jokes

Thumb

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

Week

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

Meth

White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?

Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!

Treatment

Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"

Pill

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks...

"Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?"

"Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea, but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That's why grandpa has to take the blue pills."

Doctor

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

Anorexic

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

Face

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

Anorexia

I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!

Orphan

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?