Injury jokes
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I got hit in the balls by a tennis ball.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.