Injury jokes
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?
He breaks his nose.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
I got hit in the balls by a tennis ball.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.