Injury jokes

What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?

A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.

They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

Q. What do rape victims miss?

A. Part of their brain.

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?

Time to go to the doctor! 🥼

I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.

The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.

I got hit in the balls by a tennis ball.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!