Injury jokes
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.
I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
When Canadians get hurt, they don't go "ouch," they go "ooch!"
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.