My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Someone asked me, 'What are them scars on your arm ? ..' I thought I was playing a violin '
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
“what happened to ur arm?” “oh uh.. i became a gacha emo”
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
i fell from the stairs the other day. it really "got me down".
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid, they were still breathing so I told them to walk it off.
why does a movie set say break a leg? because they have a CAST
what's black and red and is a liquid? my scars!
Person: I broke my arm in three places
Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.
