My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
How to fall down stairs.
Step 1. Step 2. Step 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
There was a guy who got his entire left side cut off. Don’t worry, he is all right now.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
My arm: "I'M GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT!"
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?
- A baseball bat.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
What happened to the blind man's son?
He thought he was hitting a piñata.
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
