Injury jokes

I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.

L

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

A man lost his left arm.

He's all right now.

I went on holiday to the coast the other day, and I saw a shark.

I was alright, but I don't think my feet were.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!