Ladder jokes

My brother's addicted to buying ladders; he loves to get high.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Your mama is so stupid that when she heard drinks were on the house, she grabbed a ladder.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

Why did the girl bring the ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the studio?

Because he heard the bars were high.

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?

Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Why did the music teacher need a ladder to reach the really high notes?

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"

Why does Trump build a wall?

There’s such a thing as a ladder.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...