Injury

Injury jokes

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

Michael Jackson

Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.