What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
The definition of the word Disappointment means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What’s worse than running with scissors? Scissoring With the runs
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
I asked my now ex boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat so yeah 😂)
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, That some dick cut her off.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
