What did the horse say after it tripped? Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
The definition of the word Disappointment means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What’s worse than running with scissors? Scissoring With the runs
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid, they were still breathing so I told them to walk it off.
whats the fastest way to get to the hospital? stand in the middle of the road
I asked my now ex boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat so yeah 😂)
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
i met a girl that was 6-5 and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm, she really said ohh snap like a twin tower
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, That some dick cut her off.
What's the difference between a new born baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but least one gets picked up.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter? They both have torn rotators.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning fortunately no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
