My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled “DUCK!” then “MOTHERDUCKER!”. Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”
So a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on; Doctor: “so your wife she is paralyzed from the neck down” and as the doctor goes he says all the things the man must do for her like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says " why, WHY ME!" Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the mans ear and says " I’m just f...in with u she’s DEAD!"
I was arrest for eating to much crack on accident. How? My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face
last saturday i was at a jewish gathering and i accidently farted. i then said a little gas never hurt anyone. that night i could not sleep
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells “doctor doctor i cant feel my legs” and the doctor say “i know i amputated your arms”
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he feel off his wheelchair, and he must’ve pressed shut down by accident.