Injury jokes
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
Memes
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!