Injury jokes
He got a paper cut and bled out.
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"