Injury jokes
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
Stonk Adventure
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
My wife was run over.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.