Injury jokes
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.