Injury jokes
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.
Stonk Adventure
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender? Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
What kind of ankle are you? A broken ankle.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.