Injury jokes

When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.

Oof.

I got hit in the balls by a tennis ball.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?

A baby with a javelin in its head!

John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.

My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To eat Bob's arms.

Bob went to hospital and had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Bob.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!

"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"

What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?

"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"

What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.