Injury jokes
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Memes
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Goofy ahh grandpa fell down the stairs, and he said, "Damn!"
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"