One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a cat.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
