Injury jokes

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

U die from robot bite.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.