Injury jokes
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
What can change color and get beat up?
You.
Youch
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.