Injury jokes

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

I got shot once. Now I'm holey.

Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"

I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.

Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."

A bear is like your best mate, Harry.

If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? At least it was a soft drink.

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.