Pain jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.

You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

I love you like my cuts.

Deeply.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”