Without women, sex would be a pain in the ass.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
You wanna know why I love trains?
They end my suffering.
Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A stab wound.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?
