The 100+ Best Pain Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What's red and bad for your teeth? -- A brick.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

If a person shoot's a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris. After hours of agonising pain... it died.

My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

sticks and stones may break my bones but a crowbar could do it so much quicker

if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting. it isn't any of those if it's suicide.

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why notice your mistakes?

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

my pencil sharpener when i bleed: aAnd i dont really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”