Pain

Pain Jokes

Milkman

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

Suicide

If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?

  • 4
  • Child

    My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"

    Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."

    Skin

    You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.

  • 3
  • Speed Bump

    When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

    Then the speed bump starts screaming.

  • 7
  • Self Harm

    What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.

  • 2
  • Crowbar

    Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

    Suicide

    If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.

    If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.

    It isn't any of those if it's suicide.

    Blonde

    A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.

    The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

  • 4
  • Self Harm

    I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

    Self Harm

    How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(

    How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(

    How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*

    Mistake

    Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?