ID jokes

I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

Your mom's ass is so petite and big, I'd pound that till the Earth shakes.

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

I'd make a joke about the chin bones, but y'all couldn't mandle it.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.

Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.

I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

If I ever ran for public office, I'd make Rajan a call center employee again.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."