shaylie lol

best way to do it

my brother when he sees a girl

Lostin Flowers14 days ago What are the four letters you don’t want to hear from a dentist?


i can make a word with those \DICK

Ur so ugly that when u came out of the hunted house u had a job offer

Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you they don’t laugh.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

You’re so fat that when you got on the scales they said “I need your weight not your phone number”

I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

my cousinn called me ugly well im pritty shure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a kleanex

when a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themself AKA the stigg

the stiggs life is a joke wait i forgot he dont have a life

Some say under his helmet, is another smaller helmet and under that is another helmet and under that is a poster of Miley Cyrus

I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like ‘ankle biters’, ‘rug rats’ and other terms I’ve heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.

I thought I’d chime in; as it turns out, ‘carpet muncher’ doesn’t mean what I thought it does.

A toddler, was giving her daddy a tea party She brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea , her Mom came home, Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, “Just the cutest thing!” Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!

Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return. If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.

A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

Don’t believe what your school bully tells you. Always take it with a grain of assault.

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen. And I could just have his motorcycle.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!” He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?” “No, this is the rink manager!”

i went to a butcher house with my little cousin and seen a baby pig and told her look its pepa pig

she started crying

when your rother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b day (* *)

what do you call an idiot who needs to get a life


How do you tell if a blond is really stupid

put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod

How many baby’s does it take to paint a wall depends on how hard you throw it

hoes be like ive been through a lot no alots been through you

hears a clean joke my horse got mudy so i gave him a bubble bath know hears a dirty joke bubles is the horse next door