Peanut Butter

Peanut Butter Jokes

Jam

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

  • 3
  • Stripper

    What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

    Bread

    My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

  • 6
  • Sandwich

    Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

  • 6
  • Bread

    What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?

    They both spread for bread.

    Smoothie

    My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

  • 5
  • Bread

    What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

    wee-wee

    One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.

    And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.

    Baby

    What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

    Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

    President

    How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the United States James Earl Carter?

    Read the label on the jar of Skippy peanut butter.

    Jelly

    What looks like peanut butter and jelly, and makes a woman scream?

    Afterbirth.

    Food

    Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?

    He was roasted.

    Baby

    What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!

    Peanut

    Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!