ID jokes

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?

I'D HIT THAT!

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I had a gun, I'd shoot you.

If I told you Jeremy Palacios was not GAY!

I'd be a liar.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

I'd tell you a joke about my boyfriend's dick, but it's a private joke.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

Guys, I'm back...

Here's my joke:

What is blue and red all over?

Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."

If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.