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When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body… now what”

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. – The odds were against me.

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

Why did 10 die? – He was in the middle of 9/11.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? – Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

The number 13? Not on my watch

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

You know what’s odd?

Every other number

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

A Roman walks into a bar

He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

I asked my friend what their serial number was…he said Cheerios

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. – I now have $999,999.75.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? – The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.