Don

Daniel King

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

Fight

Anonymous

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. – The odds were against me.

1
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Make

crowbar

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

5

Boring

Anonymous

When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body… now what”

Hand

Anonymous

I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.

5
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John

Anonymous

And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster

4

Common

Anonymous

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? – The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

0

Fat

Anonymous

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

3

Wet

Anonymous

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

2
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Puns

Haha I'm hilarious

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven is a registered six-offender

Toilet

Allan

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

“And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith’s telephone number on the door of the girl’s toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4.”

Time

Anonymous

The number 13? Not on my watch

Make

Anonymous

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

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Mathematician

Anonymous

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

3

Guy

Anonymous

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

Finger

Anonymous

A Roman walks into a bar

He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”

5

Fight

Anonymous

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

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Wrong

Anonymous

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

0

War

Anonymous

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? – Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

4

Die

Anonymous

Why did 10 die? – He was in the middle of 9/11.