How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? – Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. – I now have $999,999.75.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? – The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.