Number Jokes

Daniel King

What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?

Roamin’ Numerals.

Anonymous

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. -- The odds were against me.

1
crowbar

How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

5
Anonymous

When I’m bored I text a random number “I hid the body... now what”

Anonymous

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

5
Anonymous
in Fat

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."

4
Anonymous

And the lord said unto john come forth and you will receive eternal life, but john came fifth and won a toaster

6
Anonymous
in Mathematician

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? -- The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

0
Anonymous

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

Allan
in School

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

Anonymous
in Mathematician

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.

2
EGGthegamer

I bet you $12345678901234567890 that you didn’t read that number and you didn’t notice that a put a letter in it, no i didn’t but you went back and looked didn’t you.

Anonymous
in Time

The number 13? Not on my watch

Haha I'm hilarious

Why is six afraid of seven?

Seven is a registered six-offender

Anonymous

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 ONEted TWO bring THREE knives FOUR surFIVEal, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hEIGHTed him, and didn’t have beNINE inTENtions.

Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)

Anonymous
in Mathematician

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. -- 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.

3
Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

0
Anonymous

19 and 20 had a fight. 21.

Anonymous
in Star Wars

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

4
Anonymous

A Roman walks into a bar

He holds up two fingers and says "give me five beers."

6