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How do you make 7 an even number? Take the s out!

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. – The odds were against me.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “Ha! Thats not going to help!” She said. “Sure it does.” he said. “Its the only way i can see the numbers.”

Why did 10 die? – He was in the middle of 9/11.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? – Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

You know what’s odd?

Every other number

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.

What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? -There’s 20 of them.

What is the highest number?

420

I won the lottery for a million dollars today, so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. – I now have $999,999.75.

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

I asked my friend what their serial number was…he said Cheerios

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I’ve made wet this year to -1.

I can count the number of times I’ve been to Chernobyl on one hand. – It’s seven.

My “overweight” friend and me were talking at lunch.

Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly dude?

Me: annoyedJason when you stepped on the scale this morning it asked for you’re weight not you’re phone number.

What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

“May I push your stool in?”

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight ." Her friend said “No, it’s 666-3629.”

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? – The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.

4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed. – 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects.