Number jokes
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
The number 13? Not on my watch!
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong telephone.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!
Your mama so white that her first number was 911.
I harvested indigo to make dye. I made the dye. I made a number dye. I dyed the dye. I rolled the dye. It made me die.
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Why did 10 die? -- He was in the middle of 9/11.