When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
My friend David lost his ID. Now he is just Dav.
An asian student was learning logarithm in class, he wrote down his name after the question, teacher asked why, "my class ID is number 1"
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard? - so they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID doesn't recognize me
i called the suicide hotline and he suggested i drew on myself to distract myself. i replied id get ink poisoning
wouldnt recommend the police came
What do emo ids like to smoke
Marjiannakillmyself
yo mama so ugly that when she went through a face id it didn't think she was human
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock
id tell a joke about how my mom was abusive but i either forgot everything or she just wasn't there
Bf:Hey what ya doing?
Gf:just lying in bed
Bf:just lying in bed?
Gf:and eating cereal
Bf:Ha nice,what would you do if i was in bed next to you...?
Gf:eat my cereal
Bf:i mean if the cereal wasnt there
Gf:id get out of bed and get more cereal
Are you jefrey dhamer bc id love u to eat me
What does a bullied kid say during at game of Kahoot?
"Id like to Kashoot up this school."
if i had a dollar for every time you said something smart id be broke
your so poor if ever broke into your house id give you things
If you were a booger id pick you first
id mop the floor with your face but you might just mess it up more
I was joking about self harm to my friend and she told me to CUT it out, I couldn't even laugh. When we were at the self checkout she started scanning my arms, I asked her what she was doing she said, ̈Trying to see if it beeps, ya think id get it to work if I scanned your thighs? ̈ I said, ̈Nah bro you'd overload the system if you put it there. ̈
Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID? Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.
