My friend David lost his ID. Now he is just Dav.
I'd rate the food in Afghanistan a 9/11. That shit was bomb.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
When David lost his ID, I called him Dave. Where did Dave go during the bombing? Everywhere. Guess who came crawling back?
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
An asian student was learning logarithm in class, he wrote down his name after the question, teacher asked why, "my class ID is number 1"
id tell a joke about how my mom was abusive but i either forgot everything or she just wasn't there
Are you jefrey dhamer bc id love u to eat me
What does a bullied kid say during at game of Kahoot?
"Id like to Kashoot up this school."
if i had a dollar for every time you said something smart id be broke
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween, I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least ide be dead.
If you were a booger id pick you first
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard? - so they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
your so poor if ever broke into your house id give you things
Id tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort
id mop the floor with your face but you might just mess it up more
