ID jokes

Do I like playing Russian Roulette? Gun to the head, I'd have to say no.

Yo mama so fat, she is fat.

If I had a dollar for every time a rap hater made an intelligent statement, I’d be more broke than the rap haters.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.

I’d say Leo is as sharp as a marble, but that would be an insult to marbles.

Mike, ID is coming tonight.

I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.

Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

Your nose is so big that Apple had to make a custom iPhone that unlocks using Nose ID.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

If I had a dollar for every brain cell LEO has, I’d have one dollar.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

What did the cupcake tell its frosting?

I’d be muffin without you.

Everyone thought I'd have a great year...

14 years just gave me more chances.

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.