My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
My friend David lost his ID.
Now he is just Dav.
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.
I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.