Access

Access Jokes

Mom

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Account

Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.

Memes

Class

I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes

A yellow minion with one eye and blue overalls stands on the left. To the right, there is a text that begins: "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals..." and continues with a long, aggressive monologue.

Orphan

Why can't orphans play video games?

Because they can't access the home screen.

Ableist

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

Tree

How does a tree access the internet?

By logging in and branching out!

Orphan

Why can't orphans play video games?

Because they don't have their parent's email.

Peter Pan

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

Lawsuit

Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.

Chemist

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

Hospital

What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.

(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)