Access jokes
It's not pedophilia, it's early access.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Hi, I am just wondering who went into my account, 'cause I've changed my password, by the way.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.
I was reading this in class and laughed at loud, i had to clear all my history of jokes
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they can't access the home screen.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Then: You want free candy?
Now: You want free Wi-Fi?
How does a tree access the internet?
By logging in and branching out!
Why can't orphans play video games?
Because they don't have their parent's email.
A midget had a disease, and the cure was on the highest shelf.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X?
"It has no home button."
I found a key that works for every door at my school.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
Your hairline is so bad when I looked at you, I had to use accessibility.
What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.