Puns

Anonymous

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap. – He was high on my list of priorities.

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Japanese

Anonymous

Why Couldn’t the Japanese man give a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

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Smoking

Ruby

When a miget smokes weed do they get high or medium

Jack and Jill

Hotel Hideaway

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes pulled down her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Drunk

oof

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you?” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”

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Chair

Anonymous

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair

Girlfriend

Anonymous

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

Steak

Anonymous

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…

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Restaurant

the bartender

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

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Depression

Anonymous

A depressed boy went to high five a tree guess what the tree did? The tree left him hanging

Jack and Jill

Daddy Jack

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana, Jack got high pulled down his fly and ask if she wanna, Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and had a little fun, stupid Jill forgot the pill now they have a son

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Depression

Anonymous

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

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Trump

Small Toadstool

What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?

$2 billion and high cholesterol.

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Puns

Self-made man

I’ve just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

Bartender

sans

a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

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Puns

I Am Anonymous

What do you call dynamite on steroids? - High Explosive.

Hang

Tree

The emo kid tried to high five the tree But the tree left him hanging

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Dwarf

Shiloh

when dwarfs get high do they just get medium?

Sadness

Funny 13 yr old

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree

To bad he left him hanging

Depression

DTHOMAS

An Emo girl walks up to a tree to give it a high five… the tree left her hanging