High jokes
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
COP: Are you high?
ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*
COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
I was high in high school, but not as high as the people jumping from the buildings.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
When dwarfs get high, do they just get medium?
What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?
Panera sped.
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
A depressed boy went to high five a tree, guess what the tree did?
The tree left him hanging.
What did one plane say to the other?
"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."
Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.