Orphan

Anonymous

Kid: “I wish I could be like Batman!”

Genie: “Wish granted!”

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Depression

Anonymous

Do you know why i wish grass was emo, so it can cut itself.

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Depression

Anonymous

I wish my hair was depressed Cause then it would cut itself

Depression

Help

I wish I could say that my life is a joke but I can’t because jokes have a meaning

Car

Ashton grace

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

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Foot

(Optional)

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

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Offensive

Kiddyfiddler

What do milk and make a wish kids have in common , they both have expire dates.

Puns

Anonymous123

Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “what ever you wish for comes true once you slide down”. One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river. The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee”!

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Orphan

Evilevie

I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

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Grass

Mechanical Manic

I’m starting to wish my grass was emo. Why? So it would cut itself.

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Woman

Anonymous

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands.” The Genie says “That is asking for quite a lot and I’m not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you’d want?” The guy says "Well I’ve been married and divorced three times, and I just can’t understand what I’ve been doing wrong. I’ve given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says “Do you want a three or four lane highway?”

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Depression

Anonymous

I wish i could be as visible as my depression is.

Heart

Anonymous

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

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Darkness

Anonymous

What’s the same about “Make a Wish Program” and “Dark Jokes”?

They never get old.

Cut

Anonymoose

I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself

Darkness

Big Boss Tom

Q: How do you know a wishing well works? A: If your mother-in-law falls down it

Orphan

Cam

I wish I could kill my family but you realise your an orphan

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Cut

Anonymous

I wish my lawn was emo, because than it would cut itself.

Redhead

Anonymous

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”

Letter

Anonymous

Genie: What are your 3 wishes? Me: Make every word 4 letters long. Geni: Wish Gran. Meee: Make every word star with “br”. Brni: Brsh Bran. Bree: brke brer brrd brnd brth "uh" Bruh: Bruh bruh Bruh: Bruh bruh bruh Bruh: Bruh bruh